i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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