Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
