Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize