you would pick up someone in the library
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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