It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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