hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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