we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
