brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
