She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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