Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
