You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
