I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
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Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
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I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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