pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Text me some of your sweat
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