I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
