using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
