U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's blow job season.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
