I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
