No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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