I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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