my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
