she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
