i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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