Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
