yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
