I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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