i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
