Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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