Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
