omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Why is your signature on my underwear?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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