when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
