dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
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The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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