After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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