Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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