Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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