I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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