I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
