well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
