he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
