She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
