im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
