i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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