3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
