Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
