Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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