Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
