if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
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woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
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you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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