i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize