Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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