therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
