just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
