Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
