the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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