i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
