My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
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It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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