Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
