Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
