i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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