ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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