She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
