you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
