how can u be prego again
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
