mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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