I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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