I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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