Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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