i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize