I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize