everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
