I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
