Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
