you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
