it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
