Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
