i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
