Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize