he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize