I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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