So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
