Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
