I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
