I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
