Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
