but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
